Parental Units

Kapital 130 begins with the words “L’Dovid Odcha B’Chol Libi”, Rashi explains that the end of this Passuk is read “Negged Elohim Azamercha” with the word “Elohim” referring to the “Sarim”. Similarly, Radak notes that this word refers to the “Shoftim V’Chachamim”. These explanations can lead to a question: why did Dovid Hamelech pen a Mizmor soley for the elite—the Sarim, Shoftim and Chachamim?

This question can be answered by the introduction given by Sforno to this Kapital. He explains that Dovid wrote these words as a Teffilah for a very specific issue: he intended to address the Malchei Umos HaOlam, speaking to them about “Godel Hashem Yisborach”, the greatness of Hashem and its magnitude, and offered this Teffilah that the kings accept his words. In addition, adds Sforno, Dovid Hamelech is Mispallel that in the future, L’Asid Lavo, the Malkei Eretz recognize the Tovas Hashem and sing His praise.

As might be expected, the Mizmor itself is full of Shevach V’Hodaah. “Eshtachaveh El Heichal Kodshecha V’Odeh Es Shimcha”. Radak explains that with these words, Dovid proclaims his intent to serve HKBH with his Guf, as expressed by the word “Eshtachaveh,” and his Nefesh, as expressed by the word “V’Odeh.” All this to offer praise “Al Chasdicha V’Al Amitecha”, for the Chesed which Hashem does for us. Rashi explains that the terms “Shimcha” “Chasdecha” and “Amitecha” refer to a particular type of Chesed: although Hashem is the Ba’al Gevuros, He is “Mavir Al Midosav” and forgives our Aveiros.

The next Passuk describes a more general Chesed: “B’Yom Karasi V’Ta’aneni Tarhiveni B’Nafshi Oz”. When we are most desperate, we cry out to Hashem, and our Tefilos are answered. The word “Tarhiveni” is unfamiliar, and Rashi explains that it means “Higdaltani”, or “I was made bigger”. Radak further explains that when we are indeed at our lowest, and find that HKBH has answered our Teffilos, our Emunah is enhanced because we know “Ki Ain Zulasecha…”

Radak writes that the next Passuk outlines another outgrowth of the Chesed Hashem: “Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Aretz Ki Shamu Imrei Picha”. The Malchei Eretz—who are the ultimate subjects of this Kapital—will come to know Hashem when they hear of the Chasdei Hashem. Radak himself refers to the events in the lifetime of Dovid Hamelech—that he was brought to power after being chased by Shaul—but they can apply more broadly as well: when the Umos HaOlam see the ways in which HKBH is Meitiv to Klal Yisroel, their recognition of the Hashgacha Elyona is enhanced.

The final words of the Passuk are a little difficult to understand, however: “Ki Shamu Imrei Picha”. In what way do the Malchei Eretz hear the words of Hashem when they become aware of His Chesed? Radak explains that this refers to the fact that HKBH promised the Melucha to Dovid Hamelech—the Umos knew of this promise, but were skeptical that it would be fulfilled once they saw the difficulties encountered by Dovid. Therefore, when they saw him ascend to the Melucha, it was as if they heard the words of HKBH, “Ki Shamu Imrei Picha”.

Chazal, perhaps sensitive to this question, explain these words quite differently, in a way that is closely related to this week’s Parsha.

The Gemara in Kedushin notes that the Passuk uses the words “Imrei Picha”, a plural term, rather than “Ma’amar Picha”, in the singular. Based on this, the Gemara explains that when the Umos heard the first two Dibros, “Anochi” and “Lo Yihiyeh,” they reacted with skepticism: “L’Kvod Atzmo Hu Doresh.” When they heard the fifth Dibrah, “Kabed Es Avicha”, however, they retracted and were Modeh to the first Dibros as well. This is the meaning of the Passuk, “Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Aretz Ki Shamu Imrei Picha”: it was only after they had heard multiple Dibros that the Malchei Aretz were finally Modeh.

This Gemara clearly requires some explanation, but there is an expanded version of the Ma’amar in Bamidbar Rabba that must first be examined.

The Medrash, in Parshas Nasso, relates that when the Umos heard each of the first four Dibros, they noted that a Melech Basar V’Dam would make the same laws. Which monarch would not issue edicts similar to “Anochi” and “Lo Yihiyeh Lecha”, establishing and enforcing their own sovereignty? Even when it comes to Shabbos, the Umos said “Eizeh Melech Rotzeh Shelo Yihiyu Habriaos Mechabdim Es Yom Sheshavas?” If a king had achieved a special milestone on a particular day and then rested, he would no doubt with that his subjects recognized that day.

The fifth Dibrah, “Kabed Es Avicha”, elicitited a different response, however: “Amru B’Nimosos Shelanu Kol Mi SheMachtiv Segron L’Melech Hu Kofer B’Avosav.” If someone dedicates his life to the king, he denounces any familial obligations, ensuring his fealty to the monarch. The Mitzva of Kibud Av V’Em, however, requires that one honor their parents even as they pursue their Avodas Hashem—when they undrrstood this “Amdu M’Kisosam V’Hodu Lo”, the Malachim stood up from their seats and were Modeh to the Gadlus of HKBH. This, explains the Medrash is the meaning of the Passuk in Tehillim: “Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Aretz Ki Shamu Imrei Picha”.

The Medrash supports and expands on the story related in the Gemara but presents its own questions.

Both the Gemara and Medrash tell us that the Malkei Eretz were unimpressed when they heard the initial Dibros, but changed their position when they heard the Mitzva of Kibud Av V’Em. Why is this important for us to know? Do we need the Malkei Eretz to be impressed by HKBH? We would notfor one second assume that the charge of “L’Kvod Atzmo Hu Doresh” is true, so why does it matter that the Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’Em proves that it wasn’t? What is the message of these Ma’amarei Chazal?

If we think about it, the Medrash must be trying to teach us a lesson about the Mitzva of Kibud Av V’Em—the concept of “Shelanu Kol Mi SheMachtiv Segron L’Melech Hu Kofer B’Avosav” is clearly antithetical to Torah—we don’t need a Medrash to teach us this—but perhaps there is a deeper message.

In general it seems that this Mitzvah is particularly central to Yiddishkeit. For example, according to one opinion in the Mechilta on Parshas Beshalach it was one of the Mitzvos taught prior to Mattan Torah, in Marah. Other such Mitzvos include Shabbos and Arayos—basic parts of Halacha. Why would Kibud Av V’Em, apparently a Mitzvah Bein Adam L’Chaveiro be included? Even the placement of this Mitzvah within the Aseres HaDibros—on the side of Mitzvos Bein Adam L’Makom”—seems to reveal its importance and depth.

Another indication of the depth of Kibud Av V’Em is found in a Gemara in Kiddushin: “B’Zman SheAdam Mechabed Es Aviv V’Es Imo Amar HKBH Ma’aleh Ani Aleihem K’Ilu Darti Benehem V’Kabdeni”. When one fulfils the Mitzvah of Kibud Av, it is seen by HKBH as though he had been Mechabed the HKBH Himself. Later, the Gemara relates that the opposite it true as well: when one is not Mechabed his parents properly, HKBH says that he is relieved that he was not “Dar Imahem”, for they would have dissrepsected him.

Clearly there is a deep and important element to this Mitzvah.

R’ Dessler, in Michtav M’Eliyahu, explains the Gemara in Keddushin with an important insight, based on the writings of the Alter of Kelm.

Even if someone recognizes all the good that his parent’s do for him, his instinct is not to be Mechabed them. This instinct is based on a false presumption: since a parent’s insitinct is to be provide for his children, there is no Hakaras HaTov due him. HKBH therefore says: if a person understood how much I wish to be Meitiv for my children, he would place Me in the same category as parents and not show appropriate Kavod.

As we saw in the Gemarah, the opposite is also true: when one is Mechabed his parents, he shows that one is Mechuyav to show Hakaras HaTov even if the provider does so out of his own instinct or need. He is Mekayem Kibud Av out of a sense of Hakaras HaTov that is in no way tied to the motives of his parent to provide for him. This is directly related to his Avodas Hashem as well.

If we were to understand the deep and eternal desire that Hahsem has to be Meitiv for us, we may fall into the trap of entitlement as well, and not be able to properly our Hakaras HaTov for this Hatava. The Mitzva of Kibud Av V’Em is therefore a way to train ourselves: if we are properly Mechabed our parents despite the fact that their Hatava come from their own natural instincts, we will be able to be Mechabed HKBH for the Hatava that He so deeply wises to bestow upon us.

This is why Kibud Av V’Em is such a basic Mitzvah, and was introduced in Marah, for it prepares and trains us for true Avodas Hashem. This Mitzvah is well placed on the side of the Luchos with the other Mitzvos Bein Adam L’Makom because it is used in the advancement and perfection of our Avodas Hashem.

Perhaps we can understand the Gemara and Medrash based on this idea.

The Umos HaOlam heard the first few Dibros and said, “L’Kvod Atzmo Hu Doresh”, pointing out that any Melech Basar V’Dam would make similar demands upon his subjects. Then, when they heard the Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’Em, their perspective changed. In normal circumstances, “Kol Mi SheMachtiv Segron L’Melech Hu Kofer B’Avosav” and so they asked themselves: why in this case is it different? Why did HKBH include Kibud Av V’Em among the Dibros.

Once they understood, however, that the purpose of this Mitzvah, their perspective changed. The fact that this Mitzvah is to train ourselves for proper Avodas Hashem, reveals that the desire and need that exists for HKBH to give to his children is equal or greater than that of a parent. Once this became apparent, the Malkei Aretz reexamined their understanding of the previous Dibros as well. If HKBH is the ultimate Meitiv, as indicated by this Mitzvah, one cannot assume that the other Dibros we motivated by self-interest. The kings understood that the charge of “L’Kvod Atzmo Hu Doresh” is certainly inaccurate and the other Mitzvos must also have been for the purposes of being Meitiv to the Am Hanivchar.

We can now understand why this Medrash is so important: the reaction of the Malkei Eretz allows us to properly understand the Mitzva of Kibud Av V’Em and how it relates to the other Mitzvos. We all understand that a parent has an instinct to give to their children, and this Medrash allows us to understand that HKBH wishes to be Meitiv to us on a similar, if not deeper, level. we must allow this realization to not only impact our Avodas Hashem, but our relationship with HHKBH as well, as we recognize that He is the ultimate Meitiv who desires only the best for his beloved children.