A Good Cry

כְּשֵׁם שֶׁלֹא פִּיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא בִּבְכִיָּה, כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה

Parshas Vayigash begins where the previous Sedra left off: Yosef, still incognito, has threatened to keep Binyomin in Mitzrayim, and Yehudah is forced to step forward in opposition. Though the Pessukim seem to indicate that Yehudah spoke to his adversary with respect, Rashi notes that there was an implicit threat: אִם תַּקְנִיטֵנִי אֶהֱרֹג אוֹתְךָ וְאֶת אֲדוֹנֶךָ.

Chazal tell us that Yosef Hatzaddik understood that Yehuda was capable of following through on this warning, which drove him to finally unmask himself: אֲנִי יוֹסֵף הַעוֹד אָבִי חָי. This announcement, however, was preceded by an emotional expression on the part of Yosef: וַיִּתֵּן אֶת־קֹלוֹ בִּבְכִי. Before telling his brothers who he was, Yosef cried loudly, to the point that the Mitzriyim, who had been sent from the room, heard him.

Interestingly, this is not the only time that Yosef cried during the reunion with the other Shevatim. Later, the Passuk tells us וַיִּפֹּל עַל־צַוְּארֵי בִנְיָמִן־אָחִיו וַיֵּבְךְּ, Yosef embraced Binyomin and cried upon his shoulders, and Binyomin cried as well: וּבִנְיָמִן בָּכָה עַל־צַוָּארָיו. The next Passuk tells us that this display of emotion was not limited to Binyomin: וַיְנַשֵּׁק לְכׇל־אֶחָיו וַיֵּבְךְּ עֲלֵהֶם. Yosef cried as he embraced each of his brothers.

It is not surprising that this was an emotionally fraught moment, but we also know that the Shevatim lived on a higher plane than us, and their expressions must therefore have significance.

Indeed the Medrash on the words וַיִּתֵּן אֶת־קֹלוֹ בִּבְכִי tells us: כְּשֵׁם שֶׁלֹא פִּיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא בִּבְכִיָּה, כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה. The tears of Yosef are not to be seen as merely emotional—a sign that Yosef was overcome by his feelings. Rather, these cries were themselves were a form of פִּיּוּס, meant to calm the Shevatim.

How can we understand this Memra? Why did the Shevatim need פִּיּוּס—it was Yosef who should have been upset at his brothers, why did he feel the need to calm them? We must also explain how his tears were meant to do so? Why would the fact that Yosef was crying be מְפַיֵּס the Shevatim?

We must also understand the second half of this Medrash. What do the words כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה mean?

On one hand, בְּכִיָּה seems to be a central feature of Galus. The Medrash in Eicha Rabba, on the words בָּכֹה תִבְכֶּה בַּלַּיְלָה brings a Drasha on the Passuk in Tehillim which says הָיְתָה לִי דִמְעָתִי לֶחֶם יוֹמָם וָלָיְלָה: כְּשֵׁם שֶׁהַלֶּחֶם תָּדִיר כָּךְ דִּמְעָתִי תְּדִירָה. In Galus, tears are our constant companion, as common as the bread we eat.

At the same time, we must understand the words of the Medrash as they apply here. Which tears lead HKBH to bring the Geulah, and in what way are these connected to the tears of Yosef HaTzaddik? Yosef’s tears came at a moment of relief—he could finally reveal himself and be reunited with his father and brothers—how do they relate to the בְּכִיָּה that leads to the Geulah?

How can we understand the two statements of the Medrash, both apart and in tandem?

The truth is that there is another Medrash that discusses the tears of the Shevatim and seems related to this one.

The Medrash, on the words וַיִּפֹּל עַל־צַוְּארֵי בִנְיָמִן־אָחִיו וַיֵּבְךְּ, which is cited by Rashi, tells us: רָאָה בְּרוּחַ הַקֹּדֶשׁ שֶׁשְּׁנֵי בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁוֹת עֲתִידִין לִבָּנוֹת בְּחֶלְקוֹ שֶׁל בִּנְיָמִין וַעֲתִידִין לֵחָרֵב. At the moment of their reunion, Yosef saw בְּרוּחַ הַקֹּדֶשׁ that the Bais Hamikdash would twice be built in the Chelek of Binyomin, and twice be destroyed, and that brought him to tears.

This Medrash is well-known, but it also requires some explanation: why was it at that moment that Yosef was shown that שֶׁשְּׁנֵי בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁוֹת עֲתִידִין לִבָּנוֹת בְּחֶלְקוֹ שֶׁל בִּנְיָמִין וַעֲתִידִין לֵחָרֵב? Yosef was finally reunited with his beloved brother—from whom he had been separated, and about whom he had been so concerned—and it seems to have been marred by this bit of רוּחַ הַקֹּדֶשׁ. Why? Why indeed was Yosef shown that the two Batei Mikdash would be destroyed, bringing him to tears?

Although we see tears as a most human form of expression, these Pessukim and Mamarei Chazal indicate that there is a deeper meaning to the concept of בְּכִיָּה. In fact, the words וַיִּתֵּן אֶת־קֹלוֹ בִּבְכִי are the first time that בְּכִיָּה are mentioned in the Torah, and the Gr”a teaches that the first appearance of any idea or subject reveals its true essence. Accordingly, Yosef’s tears are the paradigm of בְּכִיָּה, through which we can understand the meaning, significance, or purpose of בְּכִיָּה in general.

How, then, can we understand the words כְּשֵׁם שֶׁלֹא פִּיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא בִּבְכִיָּה, כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה?

Perhaps we can answer these questions based on another Medrash that speaks about crying.

The Medrash Rabba at the beginning of Parshas Vayetzei tells the story of a noblewoman who posed a question to R’ Yosi bar Chalafta about HKBH: מַה הוּא עוֹשֶׂה מֵאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה וְעַד עַכְשָׁו? What has occupied HKBH since the days of Brias HaOIam? The answer given by R’ Yosi is well-known: יוֹשֵׁב וּמְזַוֵּג זִוּוּגִים, בִּתּוֹ שֶׁל פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי. The Medrash continues, telling us that the noblewoman scoffed at this answer, presuming that she could make Shidduchim without the help of HKBH. That effort proved disastrous, and the noblewoman returned to R’ Yosi, praising Hashem, the Torah and R’ Yosi: אֱמֶת הִיא תּוֹרַתְכוֹן נָאָה וּמְשֻׁבַּחַת יָפֶה אָמַרְתָּ.

In response, R’ Yosi explained why HKBH is יוֹשֵׁב וּמְזַוֵּג זִוּוּגִים: it is axiomatic that not every match is a natural fit, but מְזַוְּגָן בְּעַל כָּרְחָן שֶׁלֹא בְּטוֹבָתָן, they are married to one another perhaps against their will. To explain why these Zivugim are successful nonetheless, R’ Yosi pointed to a Passuk in Tehillim: מוֹשִׁיב יְחִידִים בַּיְתָה מוֹצִיא אֲסִירִים בַּכּוֹשָׁרוֹת, which literally means that Hashem settles individuals in a home and liberates prisoners in chains. The word בַּכּוֹשָׁרוֹת, however, can be seen as a portmanteau of the words בְּכִי וְשִׁירוֹת, meaning tears and songs. R’ Yosi concluded: מַאן דִּבְעֵי אוֹמֵר שִׁירָה וּמַאן דְּלָא בְעֵי בָּכֵי, those who are satisfied with their Zivug sing Shira while others are left to בְּכִי .

The final part of this Medrash is difficult to understand. Why does HKBH make Zivugim that lead to בְּכִי ? Surely it would be possible for HKBH to ensure that every Zivug was one of דִּבְעֵי אוֹמֵר שִׁירָה, why then are some in the category of מַאן דְּלָא בְעֵי בָּכֵי?

The Sfas Emes, in Parshas Beshalach, uses this Drasha בְּכִי וְשִׁירוֹת, in revealing an important Yesod about Galus.

The Passuk in Tehillim, which we recite every morning, says בָּעֶרֶב יָלִין בֶּכִי וְלַבֹּקֶר רִנָּה, indicating that the night is a time for בֶּכִי , whereas daytime is for שִׁירָה. The Sfas Emes explains that Galus is compared to the night, and is therefore associated with בֶּכִי , though this is not incidental.

The uninitiated might understand that Galus is a punishment: we were not on the level to maintain the Kedusha of Eretz Yisroel and the Bais Hamikdash and were therefore banished. This, however, is far from the truth. Rather, there is a specific purpose to Galus: there is latent Kedusha within each of us individually, and Klal Yisroel on the whole, which can only be extracted through Galus. This, explains the Sfas Emes, is the role of the קִשּׁוּי הַגָּלוּת וְהַיְּסוּרִין וְהַבְּכִיּוֹת. It is through the difficulties, which are of course accompanied by בְּכִיּוֹת, that the Kedusha is extracted, and the purpose of Golus fulfilled.

This, he concludes, is the idea of בְּכִי וְשִׁירוֹת: some things can only be accomplished through שִׁירָה , and some require בְּכִיּוֹת. Just as we know that שִׁירָה is not only a reaction to circumstances, but itself a means to elevate oneself, and we must also understand that the same is true of בְּכִיּוֹת.

Based on this, we can understand the words of R’ Yosi bar Tachlifa: some people require a Zivug of מַאן דְּלָא בְעֵי because, for whatever reason, they need the affects that can only be brought about through בְּכִיּוֹת. This is why the Medrash quotes the words מוֹצִיא אֲסִירִים בַּכּוֹשָׁרוֹת with regard to the concept of יוֹשֵׁב וּמְזַוֵּג זִוּוּגִים: only HKBH knows whether a person requires a reality of דִּבְעֵי אוֹמֵר שִׁירָה or דְּלָא בְעֵי בָּכֵי, and each match is therefore made accordingly.

This idea can also help us understand why בְּכִיּוֹת play such an important role in this week’s Parsha.

Yosef Hatzaddik knew that his revelation would have a massive impact on his brothers: they would not only feel remorse for their actions but might also worry that Yosef would exact revenge upon them. He therefore caused himself to cry before making his announcement: וַיִּתֵּן אֶת־קֹלוֹ בִּבְכִי.

Contained in his cries was an important message to his brothers: while their actions had perhaps precipitated his personal Galus, there had been a greater purpose to his time in Mitzrayim. His were years of בָּעֶרֶב יָלִין בֶּכִי . They need not fear retribution, because during the time that he spent in Mitzrayim, he had experienced the effect of Galus: the קִשּׁוּי הַגָּלוּת וְהַיְּסוּרִין וְהַבְּכִיּוֹת had elevated him, allowing him to grow to be even greater than he had been in Bais Yaakov.

This is why the Medrash tells us לֹא פִּיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא בִּבְכִיָּה. Yosef knew that the only way to put his brothers at ease was to show them that he understood the purpose of his time in Mitzrayim, eliminating the need for revenge, and this was accomplished through בְּכִיּוֹת.

It is this mindset that brought about the Ruach HaKodesh that Yosef experienced when he embraced Binyomin. It was at that moment, with the purpose of Galus so clearly illustrated to Yosef and those around him, that he was shown שֶׁשְּׁנֵי בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁוֹת עֲתִידִין לִבָּנוֹת בְּחֶלְקוֹ שֶׁל בִּנְיָמִין וַעֲתִידִין לֵחָרֵב. With the mindset of בָּעֶרֶב יָלִין בֶּכִי , with the understanding that there are some things that can only be accomplished through the קִשּׁוּי הַגָּלוּת וְהַיְּסוּרִין וְהַבְּכִיּוֹת, Yosef and his brothers could accept and understand the eventuality of Galus. This Ruach HaKodesh led to further בְּכִיּוֹת, as these important truths were brought to light.

We can now fully understand and appreciate the statement of the Medrash: כְּשֵׁם שֶׁלֹא פִּיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא בִּבְכִיָּה, כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה. The first בְּכִיּוֹת that appear in the Torah are those of Yosef HaTzaddik, which bear an important message. If we understand that the קִשּׁוּי הַגָּלוּת וְהַיְּסוּרִין וְהַבְּכִיּוֹת are themselves the ultimate purpose of Galus, we see them in a new light: the pain that we suffer is the key to the Geulah, because it is this pain, and the tears that accompany it, that allow the Galus to serve its purpose. It is these tears that will ultimately bring the Geulah, for once they have accomplished their role, there is no further need for Galus, leading to the day of לַבֹּקֶר רִנָּה, when HKBH is גּוֹאֵל אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל מִתּוֹךְ בְּכִיָּה.