Honor Thy Father

The events found in this week’s Parsha can be seen as a turning point in our history. Yaakov and Eisav are born, and the differences between them are apparent almost immediately. Yaakov is described as the “Ish Tam Yoshev Ohalim” and Eisav as the “Ish Yodeah Tzayid Ish Sadeh”, but there is more to their conflict than divergent interests. By the end of the Sedra it is clear that the brothers had worldviews that were incompatible with one another, leading to a rivalry that persists to this day. Given the impact of this conflict, it is unsurprising that the Haftorah is devoted to it as well.

The Haftorah itself is taken from Sefer Malachi, the final Sefer in Neviim, and its Pessukim are buoying. Though at times the words of the Navi are stinging, calling into question our commitment to Hashem and the fitness of our Korbanos, the overall message of the Nevuah is clear: despite our shortcomings, we remain the beloved nation of HKBH.

The theme of the Haftorah is established at its outset. We are first told, “Ahavti Eschem Amar Hashem”, and then in the next Passuk, “V’Es Esav Sanesi”. These two statements establish the tone for the following Pessukim: we have fallen short of our responsibilities, and are deserving of Tochacha, but this comes out of enduring love of Hashem. The Pessukim that follow are meant to elevate us, to remind us that greater than the Bnei Eisav, and need not follow in their ways. That said, it seems like there is one case in which perhaps the Navi is urging us to do just that.

As part of the Divrei Tochacha, the Navi establishes a truism: “Ben Yichabed Av V’Eved Adonav”, a son honors his father and a slave his master. The Passuk continues: “V’Im Av Ani Ayeh Kevodi V’Im Adonim Ani Ayeh Mori”. Hashem asks us: “if I am your father, where is my Kavod, and if I am your Adon, where is my fear?”

On one hand, the Passuk is readily understandable. As Rashi explains, we are called both Banim and Avadim, and must therefore show the requisite Kavod and Mor’eh for HKBH. The logic of these words is unimpeachable, yet some questions must be answered.

First, we understand the concept of Yiras Hashem, and therefore the Mora’ah that we should display as Avdei Hashem, but what is Kavod Hashem? The Passuk asks “Ayeh Kevodi”, but how are we to show Kavod to HKBH? The Gemarah in Kedushin lists the various activities associated with Kibud Av V’Em: “Machel U’Mashke Malbish U’Mechaseh”. Obviously, one cannot provide food, drink or clothing to the Kaviyachol, how then are we to emulate the Mitzvah of Kibud Av towards Him?

We must also understand how the end of the Passuk connects with the beginning. After speaking about our lack of Kavod and Mora’ah, the Navi speaks to the Kohanim, calling them “Bozei Shemi”, those who embarrass the Shem Hashem. this begins a section of the Haftorah in which we are admonished for a lack of care in relation to Korbanos. Animals that are not fit are brought upon the Mizbeach, disgusting HKBH and defiling his Mikdash, leaving us wondering why our Teffilos are not answered. These are certainly serious charges, and speak to an overall breakdown of our relationship with the Borei Olam, but how do they connect to the words “Ben Yichabed Av V’Eved Adonav”? why does the Navi begin with claims about our Kavod and Mora’ah before quickly turning to our shortcomings in terms the Avodas Hamikdash?

Before answering these questions, it is important to see how these words are used by Chazal, for a very interesting pattern emerges.

The Gemara in Sanhedrin speaks about the kings of Bavel and asks: “Mai Baladin ben Baladin”, why was Merodach refered to by the name Baladin ben Baladin? The Gemarah answers that Beladin was a king who’s appearance changed to that of a dog, driving him from his throne. His son, Merodach, wished to honor his father and so he would sign letters with the name “Beladin ben Beladin”, ensuring that his role as no more than an heir to his father would be made clear. The Gemara concludes: “Hainu D’Kesiv Ben Yechabed Av”, this was a Kiyum of the words “Ben Yechabed Av”.

In a similar, but perhaps even more surprising Memrah, the Medrash in Shemos Rabba tells us: “Ben Yechabed Av Zeh Eisav SheKibed Aviv Harbeh”. As we know, and as the Medrash goes on to relate, Eisav expended great energies to be Mechabed his father, Yitchok Avinu. The Medrash seems to be telling us that the words Ben Yechabed Av refer to this accomplishment on his part.

How can we understand these two Ma’amarei Chazal? Here the Navi seems to be chiding us for a lack of Kavod shown to HKBH, but the words themselves are used to refer to those who are not in the category of “Ahavti Eschem Amar Hashem”. Why is this the case? Why do we learn about the Kibud Av of Eisav and Merodach from these words, which are discussing our relationship with Hashem?

In general, it is hard to understand the relationship between the Umos HaOlam and Kidub Av. The Passuk in Parshas Beshalach, when speaking about the stop that Bnei Yisroel made in Marah, tells us: “Shom Som Lo Chok U’Mishpat”, and Chazal have various Drashos as to the exact Chok and Mishpat given in Marah. Rashi, on those words, quotes the Gemarah in Sanhedrin which tells us that “Mishpat” refers to Kidub Av V’em. At the same time, the Passuk in Tehillim says “Magid Devarv L’Yaakov Chukav U’Mishpatav L’Yisroel”, words which teach us that the Umos HaOlam have no connection to Chok or Mishpat. If Kibud Av V’Em is Mishpat, how can it be that the Umos HaOlam are able to be Mekayem this Mitzvah.

The question is even stronger if we consider the unique accomplishments of Esav in this area. The Medrash in this weeks Parsha brings a statement of R’ Shimon ben Gamliel who said that all the Kavod which he gave his father was not equal to one one-hundredth of the Kavod that Eisav gave to Yitzchok Avinu. If, as we have seen, Kibud Av V’Em is Mishpat, and “Chukav U’Mishpatav L’Yisroel”, how could Eisav have excelled in this regard to such a great extent?

The Maharal, in Tiferes Yisroel and Chidushei Agados to Kedushin, explains that because they don’t have access to the Torah HaKedosha, which infuses us with “Sechel Eloyon”, the Umos HaOlam are left to rely only on their Sechel. Their connection to the concept of Kibud Av V’em, then, is predicated on the fact this is very much based in Sechel. A person’s parents bring him into the world, and give him so much in the years of his upbringing, logic therefore dictates that a certain amount of honor be afforded them. The Umos HaOlam, with Eisav at their helm, associate so closely with the concept of Kibud Av V’Em because it is the closest they can come to a Mitzvah, the most they can accomplish with their sundry Sechel.

It follows that there are two types of Kibud Av: that which comes from regular Sechel, and then the Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’Em found in the Torah, which was given at Marah. the Mitzvah given at Marah is Mishpat, it is part of Torah, taking the same action of being Mechabed a parent, which is dictated by logic and Sechel, and turning it into Kedusha. Indeed at Marah we were given Mishpat, to which the Umos have no connection, and our Kibud Av V’Em, dictated by the Torah, is wholly different than theirs. They may be more dedicated to the actions of being Mechabed a parent, but they have no connection to the Mitzvah of doing so.

Perhaps we can understand the Passuk in our Haftorah based on this idea.

The Gemara in Sanhedrin and the Medrash in Shemos Rabba make it clear that these words are referring to the type of Kibus Av practiced by the Umos HaOlam. The actions of both Merodach and Eisav, rooted in Sechel but not Torah, are defined by the words Ben Yichabed Av. In fact the very tone of the Passuk seems to be refering to logic: it is logical for a son to be Mechabed his father just as it is logical for an Eved to fear his Adon.

The Passuk, then, is asking a simple question: HKBH gives you so much, does not logic dictate a certain amount of Hakaras Hatov? The Kavod that we can give Hashem, the answer to the question “Ayeh Kevodi” is to act in a way that show our appreciation for all that HKBH provides us with.

With this in mind we can perhaps explain the connection between the beginning and end of the Passuk.

R’ Shimshon Pincus, in Shabbos Malkasa, explains that everything which HKBH gives us must be returned back to Him. There are, he explains, two basic ways in which to do this: Hoda’ah and Yisurin. When one expresses gratitude to HKBH for that which he has been given, that item is like a Pikadon which is always considered to be in the Reshus of the Ba’alim. By recognizing that everything is from Hashem and therefore really belonging to Him, a person in essence returns the object to its creator. If we don’t do so, however, we must return the item through its removal which comes at the hands of Yesurin.

Both of these methods, explains R’ Shimshon, were present in the Mikdash. The Leviim would sing Shira, which was a form of Hoda’ah, recognizing the gifts that Hashem bestows upon the world and expressing gratitude for them. At the same time, the Kohanim would bring Korbanos, which were to serve in place of the Guf of those who required Yisurin.

The Passuk can therefore be understood as follows: “Ben Yichabed Av…Im Av Ani Ayeh Kevodi”, our relationship with HKBH does not exhibit the most basic form of Kavod that Sechel would dictate one is Mechyav to his Father, who provides him with all his needs. As such, we are not fulfilling the requirement of returning the gifts to their grantor through Hoda’ah. At the same time, the Avodah of the Mikdash is being done in the fashion of “Bozei Shemi” and “Shulchan Hashem Nivzeh.” By corrupting the Avodas HaMikdash we cannot even use the Korbanos in place of actual Yisurin. Therefore, as the Navi concludes, we cannot expect that Hashem will answer our Teffilos when we cry out to him.

As we consider the differences between ourselves and Eisav, we must begin by asking ourselves if we are leading lives of “Ben Yichabed Av”. Are our actions and attitudes consistent with those of a son who receives so much from his Father? Do we express Hoda’ah, through our words and decisions? As we begin the month of Kislev, and consider its messages of Halel and Hoda’ah we can use the time to seek the answer to these questions, so that we may answer the question “Ayeh Kevodi” with confidence.