Me Myself and I

Although the weeks of Nechama continue, as we Lein the next of the Shiva D’Nechemta, we now also find ourselves in Chodesh Elul, a month with its own set of implications. It would be silly to imagine that this is coincidental—the seven weeks following Tisha B’Av inevitably include Elul. We must therefore assume that Chazal meant for the two periods to overlap—the weeks of Nechama are part of our preparations for the Yimei Harachamim V’Haslicha. As we learn the Haftorah, then, we must try to find a message within the Divrei Nechama that helps us improve our Avodah of Elul.

The Pessukim of the Haftorah once again can be found in the latter part of Sefer Yeshaya, and include very encouraging messages about the coming Geulah. The Navi urges us to remain strong as we weather the storms of Galus and to look forward to the day in which the Yichud Hashem is apparent. As is the case throughout the Shiva D’Nechemta, the Haftorah is replete with metaphor and prose, and can therefore be difficult to understand. At the outset, however, the Navi conveys an unambiguous message that seems to offer a tremendous amount of hope.

The Haftorah begins with the words “Anochi Anochi Hu Menachemchem”, as Hashem tells us that it is He who will be out Menachem. R’ Eliezer of Beaugency explains that this is a statement of exclusivity: “Davka V’Lo Acher”. It is Hashem alone that will offer us our Nechama when that glorious day arrives. Metzudos explains that these words can be seen as an answer of sorts: we need not fear that our Nechama will be inadequate in any way, for it will come at the hands of the Kaviyachol.

As welcome and hopeful as this message is we must understand the way it is said: why is the word “Anochi” said twice? On one hand, we might assume that this enhances the sense of “Davka. By saying Anochi twice, the Navi reinforces the fact that it will be Hashem Himself that is Menachem us. it seems, however, that is is already accomplished by using the word “Anochi”.

As we know, there are two ways to refer to oneself in Lashon HaKodesh: Ani and Anochi. While they may seem interchangeable, we know that the Lashon HaKasuv is particular. The Malbim, in Sefer Hakarmel, explains that the word “Ani” relates to the predicate in a sentence, whereas Anochi relates to the subject. In other words, one says “Ani Holech” to convey that he is walking, and not standing, and “Anochi Holech” to express only he is walking. This being the case, if the Passuk only said “Anochi Hu Menachemchem” it would convet the specificity of Hashem alone and no one else. Why, then, is it necessary to repeat the word?

In a broader sense, we must also understand what this means. How can we understand that Hashem himself will bring our Nechama? On one level, we know that Hahsem is the Siba and the Misovev—it is Hashgacha Elyona that dictates everything that happens to us. Any Nechama that we therefore experience is only because Hashem has brought it about. The crux of the Passuk, however, seems to be that in some way the Nechama that we ultimately receive will be in some way more direct, and therefore more satisfying and complete. How can we understand this concept?

The Medrash in Pesikta D’Rav Kahana speaks about this Passuk by relating a Mashul: there was a king who became angry at his queen, and expelled her from the palace. After a while, his anger subsided and he asked her to return to the place. Still sore at having been expelled, the queen had a demand: the king would have to double the original amount of their Kesuba if he wished her to return to the palace. So to, explains the Medrash, upon returning us to his palace HKBH will say: “Banai B’Sinai Amarti Lachem Pa’am Achas Anochi…U’Beyerushalyim L’Asid Lavo Ani Omer Lachem Shinei Pe’amim.” The “Kesuba” of “Anochi Hashem Elokecha” that was given to us at Har Sinai will be doubled L’Asid Lavo, as indicated by the words “Anochi Anochi Hu Menachemchem”

This Medrash allows us to expand the meaning of these words: the Nechama that we receive L’Asid Lavo will be directly from Hashem and in some way related to the words “Anochi Hashem Elokecha” said at Har Sinai. It seems, then, that in order to properly understand what the Navi is telling us here, and why he says it this way, we must understand what is conveyed by the first words of the Aseres Hadibros.

The Gemara in Meseches Shabbos has an interesting question: how do we know that Nutriken, or acronyms, are “Min HaTorah”, and that a person who writes a Nutriken on Shabbos is Chayav as if he had written multiple words. One of the answers given in the Gemara is that the word “Anochi” in the Aseres HaDibros is a Nutirken, but there are two opinons as far as what the words stands for. R’ Yochanan says that these letters stand for the words “Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis”: the word Anochi tells us that Hashem himself wrote and gave the Torah. The Rabanan, however, bring a different Nutirken: “Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva”, which means “a pleasant statement was written and given”

It is clear that this Gemara contains a profound message: according to both R’ Yochanan and the Rabanan, the words Anochi conveys deep meaning about the Torah itself, and we must of course try to understand what that is and why the Torah uses this particular word to teach us this lesson.

The truth is that some ways, the Nutriken of R’ Yochanan is a little more understandable and seems to fit the word Anochi a little better: when Hashem said “Anochi” at the beginning of the Aseres Hadibros, we learned of the direct connection the Torah has to the Borei Olam, who was its author so to speak. The words “Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis” are then well represented by the letters of the word “Anochi”. The Nutriken of the Rabanan, on the other hand, is a little harder to understand. While we know that the words of the Torah are indeed Mesukim M’Dvash, sweeter than sweet, but how does that relate to the word Anochi? Why did the Torah choose to tell us “Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva”, that a pleasant statement was written and given, using the word Anochi specifically, and why at the beginning of the Aseres Hadibros?

The Medrash Rabba at the beginning of Sefer Beraishis brings a Machlokes whether the world itself was created first followed by Ohr, light, or visa versa. The Medrash brings Meshalim to explain each side, which indicate that the true Machlokes is whether the Ohr was needed in order to create the world, or if it is an accessory after the fact, so to speak.

R’ Yonasan Shteif, in a Drasha for Parshas Beriashis, explains that the concept of Ohr Nivrah Techila, that the light was created prior to the world, helps us understand the purpose of the Torah itself. When there was Choshech Al Pnei Tehom, the Ohr was created to dispel the darkness and only then could the world be created, so to the Torah was given to bring light to the world. If, he explains, someone were to ask what the purpose and goal of the Torah is, we would answer: Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva. The Amira Ne’ima refers to the first words of the Torah, which were written and given at Ma’amad Har Sinai. These words tell us that before anything else, the Ohr was created. The Torah is meant to bring a Ohr HaRuchani into the world, to provide light in the darkest places.

The first word of the Aseres Hadibros, then, is the word Anochi, which can be understood as refering to this concept: Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva. HKBH began Mattan Torah by explaining the ultimate purpose of the Torah Hakedosha: it is the light that the world needs to exist.

Based on this, perhaps we can understand that the Rabanan and R’ Yochanan are not disagreeing, but speaking about varying levels of awareness that we may have in our relationship with the Torah. Sometimes, we learn the Torah because it is the our guidebook to life: we need to know how to live as Yidden, how to serve Hashem, what to do and what not to do. On this level we access the Torah of Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis. We learn the Torah because Hashem wrote it so that we will know what his Ratzon is.

There is, however, another Madreiga, that of Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva. When our relationship with the Torah is not transactional, is not for the purposes of our own lives, but to fulfil its ultimate goal of bringing light into the world, we are living an existence of Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva. As indicated by the Gemara, however, this too is Anochi. When we approach the Torah from this perspective we are connecting with Hashem in a very direct sense, for it was He who created light before the world—the ultimate Ratzon Hashem is therefore to use the Torah in this way.

The Torah was given at Sinai with one Anochi, because in this world we can sometimes only apply the approach of Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis. We don’t always have the opportunity to live on a higher plane, accessing the Torah in order to bring an Ohr HaRuchani into the world. L’Asid Lavo, however, we are told: “Anochi Anochi Hu Menachemchem”, we will get a double dose of Anochi. In that new reality we will be able to live a life of Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis as well as Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva. Our connection to Hashem will be so real that our ability to fulfil the Ratzon Hashem in our lives, as well as the world at large, will be manifest.

The personal level of the new Anochi reality is perhaps hinted to in the Passuk itself. The third word of the Haftorah is “Menachemchem”, which is plural. We may assume then that the Nechama will be a national one, but that does not seem to be accurate. Radak here tells us that when the Passuk speaks in Lashon Yachid, it is speaking to Klal Yisroel as a whole—one unit—and when it speaks in a Lashon Rabim, it is talking to individuals.

The message of the Passuk, then, is that at the time of the Geulah, we will each be Zoche to live in the world of “Anochi Anochi”. An elevated life of Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva will not be limited to Yichidei Segulah, relegating the common man to one of Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis. Each of us, Kol Yachid V’Yachid, will be able to access the Torah on every level, leading a life in which a direct connection to Hashem allows us to bring His light into our own lives and the world at large.

There are many messages here that can help us frame our mindset as Chodesh Elul begins, but perhaps the most invigorating is that of the word “Anochi” itself. Elul is a time when we are told “Hamelech BaSadeh”, the king is in the fields, but we must remember that He wishes not only to spend time with our nation as a whole but each and every one of us. Be it on a level of Ana Nafshi Ksavis Yehavis or Amira Ne’ima Kesiva Yahiva, the Torah allows us to connect to Hashem on a personal level, enhancing our relationship with Him and bringing light into the world.