Brotherly Love: Navigating the Relationship with Esav

Devarim

Brotherly Love

וְאֶת־הָעָם צַו לֵאמֹר אַתֶּם עֹבְרִים בִּגְבוּל אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי־עֵשָׂו הַיֹּשְׁבִים בְּשֵׂעִיר

וְלֹא לָכֶם בִּלְבַד אֲנִי מְצַוֶּה אֶלָּא אַף אַתֶּם צַוּוּ לִבְנֵיכֶם

Most of Parshas Devarim, and indeed Sefer Devarim, is a retrospective, as Moshe Rabbeinu recounts the years of the Midbar as he prepares to take leave of Klal Yisroel. The major events of the prior forty years are spoken about—though not always in chronological order—with Moshe using the opportunity to pass on important messages to his beloved nation.

As part of this narrative, Moshe discusses events that occurred after the episode of the מֵי מְרִיבָה. At that time, Hashem said to Moshe: רַב לָכֶם סֹב אֶת הָהָר הַזֶּה פְּנוּ לָכֶם צָפֹנָה. Bnei Yisroel was instructed to change their course and move northward, a path that Rashi explains took them along the eastern side of Moav , towards Eretz Yisroel. This course, however, was not without its pitfalls: it took them towards הַר שֵׂעִיר.

The Pessukim continue, telling us that HKBH gave Moshe Rabbeinu instructions In preparation for this part of the journey: וְאֶת הָעָם צַו לֵאמֹר אַתֶּם עֹבְרִים בִּגְבוּל אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו הַיֹּשְׁבִים בְּשֵׂעִיר וְיִירְאוּ מִכֶּם וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד. As they were coming close to the land of בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, Bnei Yisroel was instructed to be mindful—while the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו would fear them, they should be on guard nonetheless. Further, Moshe was to tell Bnei Yisroel: אַל תִּתְגָּרוּ בָם כִּי לֹא אֶתֵּן לָכֶם מֵאַרְצָם עַד מִדְרַךְ כַּף רָגֶל , they were not to antagonize the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו because הַר שֵׂעִיר had been given to them as a יְרֻשָּׁה and Bnei Yisroel would never have been able to capture it anyway.

The Medrash, on the words וְאֶת הָעָם צַו לֵאמֹר , adds important context to these Pessukim, telling us of an additional point added to these instructions: אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וְלֹא לָכֶם בִּלְבַד אֲנִי מְצַוֶּה אֶלָּא אַף אַתֶּם צַוּוּ לִבְנֵיכֶם. The directives that Moshe was told to relay to Klal Yisroel were not only meant for those standing there on that day. They were also meant to be passed on to later generations. Those who heard the words of Moshe Rabbbeinu were meant to pass these instructions on to their sons, and they to theirs, so that this message would resonate for all time.

Why? The instructions that Moshe was meant to issue at that point seemed relevant only to those who were approaching הַר שֵׂעִיר, and would encounter the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו. It was they who needed to hear the words אַתֶּם עֹבְרִים בִּגְבוּל אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו הַיֹּשְׁבִים בְּשֵׂעִיר וְיִירְאוּ מִכֶּם וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד, why was this a message to be passed on to later generations? This seems even more true of the words אַל תִּתְגָּרוּ בָם כִּי לֹא אֶתֵּן לָכֶם מֵאַרְצָם עַד מִדְרַךְ כַּף רָגֶל—it was only they who were treading upon the land who would seem to need this warning—why then does the Medrash tell us that HKBH said וְלֹא לָכֶם בִּלְבַד אֲנִי מְצַוֶּה?

There are also some points that must be raised about the Pessukim themselves.

Taken together, this is an interesting set of instructions. First, Bnei Yisroel is told to be on guard as they pass the land of בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, but then they are told not to harass them, and reminded that their land was given to them as a יְרֻשָּׁה. How can we understand the succession of the Pessukim? If they were told not to interact with בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, why did HKBH say וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד? In addition, why did the Torah remind us of the way בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו had received this land, כִּי יְרֻשָּׁה לְעֵשָׂו נָתַתִּי אֶת הַר שֵׂעִיר? Why was this relevant now?

There was one final instruction that Moshe Rabbeinu was told to pass on Klal Yisroel at that time as well: אֹכֶל תִּשְׁבְּרוּ מֵאִתָּם בַּכֶּסֶף וַאֲכַלְתֶּם וְגַם־מַיִם תִּכְרוּ מֵאִתָּם בַּכֶּסֶף וּשְׁתִיתֶם. Bnei Yisroel were told that they may buy food from the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, and eat it, and they may purchase water, and drink it. The next Passuk seems to explain a rationale for this allowance: כִּי ה' אֱלֹקיך ָ בֵּרַכְךָ בְּכֹל מַעֲשֵׂה יָדֶךָ יָדַע לֶכְתְּךָ אֶת־הַמִּדְבָּר הַגָּדֹל הַזֶּה זֶה  אַרְבָּעִים שָׁנָה ה' אֱלֹקיך ָ עִמָּךְ לֹא חָסַרְתָּ דָּבָר. Since the needs of Klal Yisroel were provided for the forty years that we had been in the Midbar , it was appropriate to buy the food and water of the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו when we encountered them.

Rashi explains this Passuk as follows: לְפִיכָךְ לֹא תִכְפּוּ אֶת טוֹבָתוֹ לְהַרְאוֹת כְּאִלּוּ אַתֶּם עֲנִיִּים, אֶלָּא הַרְאוּ עַצְמְכֶם עֲשִׁירִים. It would seem as though we were ungrateful to HKBH for all that we had received if we were to act as עֲנִיִּים when we encountered the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו and Bnei Yisroel was therefore instructed to present themselves as wealthy individuals, הַרְאוּ עַצְמְכֶם עֲשִׁירִים, buying food and drink from the locals.

Both of these Pessukim require explanation. First, the words וַאֲכַלְתֶּם and וּשְׁתִיתֶם seem extra—what was the purpose of purchasing food and drink if not to consume them—why did the Passuk have to specify that this was allowed? Would the imperative of לֹא תִכְפּוּ אֶת טוֹבָתוֹ be so strong that they were to buy food and drink strictly for the purpose of הַרְאוּ עַצְמְכֶם עֲשִׁירִים only for it all to go to waste? Also, why was it here, when they were to encounter the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, that Bnei Yisroel was told to present themselves as wealthy people in order not to avoid the appearance of תִכְפּוּ אֶת טוֹבָתוֹ? This is the only place that we were instructed in this way—why?

There is one word used in these Pessukim that may help us understand their underlying message.

In telling Moshe Rabbeinu how to instruct Klal Yisroel, HKBH told him to say אַתֶּם עֹבְרִים בִּגְבוּל אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי־עֵשָׂו , referring to בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו as אֲחֵיכֶם, our brothers. Why? Of course, we know that Yaakov and Esav were brothers, but why does the Torah refer to his offspring in this way? What does the addition of the word אֲחֵיכֶם teach us?

Rabbeinu Bachya, here, explains the addition of the word אֲחֵיכֶם as follows: אע"פ שֶׁהֵם בֵּנִי עֵשָׂו, אֲחֵיכֶם הֵם. According to this Pshat , which is rooted in Medrshim , HKBH was reminding Bnei Yisroel that although they are בֵּנִי עֵשָׂו, we must still view them as אֲחֵיכֶם, our brothers. Why? What is the definition of אֲחֵיכֶם that applies to the בֵּנִי עֵשָׂו, and why was Bnei Yisroel instructed to keep this in mind as they approached הַר שֵׂעִיר?

It is interesting to note that when this story is first told, in Parshas Chukas , the Torah tells us that Moshe Rabbeinu sent a message to מֶלֶךְ אֱדוֹם, which began with the words כֹּה אָמַר אָחִיךָ, again using a term of אַחְוָה. The Medrash HaGadol, there, explains that Moshe used this word to make the following point: אע״פ שֶׁאַתָּה שׂוֹטְמֵינו ּ עַד עַכְשָׁו , אָנוּ נוֹהֲגִין בְּךָ מִנְהַג אַחְוָה. Moshe was telling מֶלֶךְ אֱדוֹם that his nation looked upon בֵּנִי עֵשָׂו with a sense of אַחְוָה, even though that feeling was not necessarily reciprocated.

Similarly, in Parshas Vayishlach , when the Malachim return to Yaakov Avinu after having approached Esav, they say בָּאנוּ אֶל אָחִיךָ אֶל עֵשָׂו, using a term of אַחְוָה, and the Medrash Rabba explains: שֶׁאַתְּ נוֹהֵג בּוֹ כְּאָח וְהוּא נוֹהֵג בְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו. Although Yaakov Avinu was approaching Esav as a brother, that approach was not reflected, וְהוּא נוֹהֵג בְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו.

How can we understand this? Why is there an impetus to approach Esav, and later his children, in the spirit of אַחְוָה even though the feelings are not mutual? The Torah seems to place an emphasis on the approach and outlook of אֶל אָחִיךָ אֶל עֵשָׂו regardless of the fact that they are continually נוֹהֵג בְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו. Why? How does the approach of אַחְוָה relate to Esav and his offspring?

The Chasam Sofer, in Toras Moshe, explains the relationship between Yaakov and Esav in a way that can allow us to answer these questions.

Originally, he explains, Yaakov and Esav were meant to have the same relationship as Yissachar and Zevulan : Yaakov and his offspring were to be the Mamleches Kohanim, while Esav and his children would provide for their physical needs. As is the case with Yissachar and Zevulan , each would recognize the vital role that the other plays in his life, and give him the appropriate Kavod. An illustration of this connection is seen in the Gemaras that talk about the relationship between Rebi and Antignus : each one recognized the importance of the other and, in doing so, fulfilled the original intent of HKBH in the connection between Yaakov and Esav.

Esav clearly did not hold up his end of the arrangement, but the intent remains: he was meant to be the Yissachar to our Zevulan . It is this aspect of Esav, it seems, that is represented by the feelings of אַחְוָה.

At the beginning of Parshas Vayishalch , when Yaakov prepares to meet Esav, Rashi tells us that he prepared in three ways: הִתְקִין עַצְמוֹ לִשְׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים, לְדוֹרוֹן, לִתְפִלָּה וּלְמִלְחָמָה. The Chasam Sofer, there, explains that these three methods relate to three characteristics of Esav, and three ways that he relates to Yaakov and his children.The דוֹרוֹן, he explains, was related to the relationship of Yissochar and Zevulan that was meant to exist—in that guise it was appropriate for Yaakov to send Esav a gift. This part of the relationship, he adds, is identified by the words בָּאנוּ אֶל אָחִיךָ אֶל עֵשָׂו.

It emerges that the words אָחִיךָ when used in the context of Yaakov and Esav, relates to a very specific arrangement. Esav was meant to provide for our physical needs so that we could focus on Torah and Avodah, and, in return, we would share the Schar. Esav lost his share because he chose not to play his role, but this also forced us to confront the physical world in ways we would otherwise not have.

With this understanding of אַחְוָה as it relates to Yaakov and Esav, we can better understand the Medrash and Pessukim.

The Medrassh Lekach Tov on the words וְיִירְאוּ מִכֶּם וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד tells us: וּמָה בַּמָּקוֹם שֶׁהֵם יְרֵאִים מִמֶּנּוּ אָמַר הקב״ה וְנִשְׁמָרִים מְאֹד עַכְשָׁו שֶׁאָנוּ מֻבְלָעִים בֵּינֵיהֶם עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה. If the Torah warned Bnei Yisroel to be careful in encountering בֵּנִי עֵשָׂו then, how much more so now that we are in Galus. This is really the same message as the Medrash Rabba: the instructions given to Bnei Yisroel then were meant to be passed on to their children, אַתֶּם צַוּוּ לִבְנֵיכֶם, so that we may understand how to deal with Esav in our encounters today.

What were those instructions?

As we came close to הַר שֵׂעִיר, we would encounter אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו for the first time as a nation, and HKBH told us וְיִירְאוּ מִכֶּם וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד. This is because understanding what our relationship with בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו was meant to be will itself allow us to maintain a distance. We must remember that our interactions with the physical world, the need to toil for our material needs, is because Esav is not maintaining his role: שֶׁאַתְּ נוֹהֵג בּוֹ כְּאָח וְהוּא נוֹהֵג בְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו.

This is also why the Torah tells us כִּי יְרֻשָּׁה לְעֵשָׂו נָתַתִּי אֶת הַר שֵׂעִיר. If Esav had upheld his end of the bargain, if would have been the Yissachar to our Zevulan , he would have had a much larger share in the יְרֻשָּׁה of Avrohom Avinu . It was only because he chose otherwise that his share was limited to הַר שֵׂעִיר. These words serve the same purpose, then: they remind us that Esav is not serving his purpose, and that is to our detriment.

This is also highlighted by the final directive given by Moshe Rabbeinu: אֹכֶל תִּשְׁבְּרוּ מֵאִתָּם בַּכֶּסֶף וַאֲכַלְתֶּם וְגַם־מַיִם תִּכְרוּ מֵאִתָּם בַּכֶּסֶף וּשְׁתִיתֶם. We were to engage in commerce with בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו in a way that highlighted the fact that we don’t need them: כִּי ה' אֱלֹקיך ָ בֵּרַכְךָ בְּכֹל מַעֲשֵׂה יָדֶךָ יָדַע לֶכְתְּךָ אֶת־הַמִּדְבָּר הַגָּדֹל הַזֶּה זֶה  אַרְבָּעִים שָׁנָה ה' אֱלֹקיך ָ עִמָּךְ לֹא חָסַרְתָּ דָּבָר. By making it clear that we had been taken care of while in the Midbar , by taking on an approach of הַרְאוּ עַצְמְכֶם עֲשִׁירִים it would reinforce to the בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו, and more importantly to us, that though they are derelict in their duties, HKBH provides for us nonetheless.

The words וַאֲכַלְתֶּם and וּשְׁתִיתֶם serve a similar purpose.

The Yalkut brings a Halacha related to these words: הַשְּׁלָקוֹת וְהַכְּבָשִׁים שֶׁל נָכְרִים אֲסוּרִין , we are not allowed to eat Items cooked by a non-Jew. This is learned from the fact that the Torah connects food and water in this Passuk : just as water is drunk without cooking, so to we may only eat that which is not cooked. Although the Medrash concludes that this Passuk is only a Remez to the Din established by the Rabanan, the fact remains that these words are related to the Halachos of בִּשּׁוּל עֲכוּם , the purpose of which is to ensure that we maintain a distance from בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו. If we cannot eat their food, there is less chance that we will socialize with them, and these Halachos are therefore vital to our survival.

The instructions given by Moshe Rabbeinu to Bnei Yisroel as they stood ready to encounter בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו were relevant not only then, but now שֶׁאָנוּ מֻבְלָעִים בֵּינֵיהֶם. Although we have no choice but to encounter them, we must always remember their choice to abandon their role: וְהוּא נוֹהֵג בְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו. If we do so, even those times that we must engage with אֲחֵיכֶם בְּנֵי עֵשָׂו we will keep our distance, in keeping with the dictate of וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּם מְאֹד and reinforcing in our own minds the ultimate reality: כִּי ה' אֱלֹקיך ָ בֵּרַכְךָ בְּכֹל מַעֲשֵׂה יָדֶךָ.