It’s All in Your Heart

This week’s Parsha beings with the story of Sarah Immenu’s Levaya and Kevurah. The length of this section, and detail that the Torah goes into, can only serve as an indication that there are lessons to be learned from this story that can be applied to our own lives.

After Avraham’s exchange with Ephron regarding the Mearas HaMachpela, the Passuk tells us: “V’acharei Chen Kavar Avraham es Sarah Ishto: and following these events, Avraham buried his wife Sarah.” The Medrash on that Passuk says that because Avraham buried Sarah, he was Zoche to Arichus Yamim, as the Passuk says: “Rodef Tzedakah V’Chesed Yimtzah Chaim.” In fact, the Medrash says that Avraham was Zoche to the “Levush” of Hashem himself, because he emulated the Midas HaChesed of the Borai Olam.

This Medrash seems a bit puzzling. We know that Avraham is the Amud HaChesed; his whole life was devoted to doing Chesed for others. Why then is it this instance that rendered him a “Rodeph Chesed,” for which he was Zoche to Arichus Yamim? Isn’t every bereaved husband involved in the burial of his wife? Avraham had lost his life’s partner—Sarah stood beside him throughout the trials and tribulations we have learned about in the last few Parshios—could he be expected to stand aside when it came time to affording her Kavod Achron?

This question is made stronger when we consider that the Gemarah in Kesubos tells us that a husband is Mechuyav to bury his wife. If the Kevurah of Sarah was Avraham’s responsibility, the fact that Chazal pick this instance as the cause of his Arichas Yamim is really quite puzzling.

Earlier in the Parsha there is another Medrash, which while vastly different in its content, raises a similar question.

The Pesukim tells us at length of the negotiation between Avraham and Ephron over the purchase of Mearas Hamachpela. The final price they settled on was “Arbah Meos Shekel Kesef: Four Hundred Silver Shekalim.” While this itself sounds like an astounding sum, Chazal tell us that it was even more than we might think.

The Shekel was worth different amounts at different times in history. Usually in when a Shekel is mentioned in Chumash it refers to a coin worth a Selah, whereas in Neviim or Kesuvim the Shekel mentioned is worth more. The Medrash on our Passuk says that in the Shekalim of Ephron are an exception: in this case the Shekelim mentioned were valued in Kanturin. According to some Rishonim, Kanturin are worth 2,500 times regular Shekalim, making the price Avraham paid for Mearas Hamachpela one million Shekalim—quite a princely sum!

With regard to Ephron, the Medrash quotes a Passuk in Mishlei: “Nivhal Lahon Ish Rah Ayin, V’lo Yedah Ki Chesser Yivoenu: He who rushes toward riches has an evil eye, and does not consider that want may come upon him.” Chazal say that this Passuk applies to say that Ephron because he ended up losing this money, as is evident from the fact that his name is written without a Vav the second time he in mentioned.

Why do Chazal speak with so much contempt for Ephron? Surely he acted in a pernicious way, charging Avraham such an exorbitant fee for the Mearah, but Avraham did not have to pay that amount—he could have walked away from the table. We know that Avraham wanted the Mearah because it was the Kever of Adam and Chava, according to most Meforshim, however, Ephron did not know that. This seems like a simple business transaction where a seller took advantage of the buyer’s willingness to make the purchase at any cost. What was Ephron’s downfall?

I think we can answer both our questions based on the following thought from R’ Sholom Schwadron.

We know that there are two general categories under which acts of kindness fall- Tzedaka and Chesed-but sometimes it is difficult to discern between the two. R’ Shalom explains that Tzedaka is done when a person acts on behalf of someone else for no other reason than to help them. When we see a poor person and give them a dollar, there is nothing compelling us to do so other than the fact that we have the ability to help them. This is Tzedakah.

Chesed, on the other hand, is completely dependent on a person’s frame of mind. Chesed takes place when we choose to help someone because we want nothing other than to help them: not because we have Rachmanus on them or any outside factor—purely out of a desire to be Maitiv for someone else. If our heart, our love for another person, guides our mind, we can turn anything into

Because Chesed is dependent on our thoughts, we have the ability to elevate the mundane things that we would be doing anyway and turn them into acts of Chesed. R’ Shalom relates that he was once taking one of his children to the doctor and they met R’ Izzak Scher. When he found out where R’ Shalom was going, he reminded him to have in mind that he was doing a Chesed. Even though R’ Shalom was performing his fatherly duty by taking his sick child to the doctor, a mere change in his mindset could transform the entire trip into a Maaseh Chesed.

When it comes to Chesed, mindset is everything.

The Chofetz Chaim once told his pharmacist—a non-observant Jew—that he was jealous of the fact that the pharmacist had so much opportunity to do Chesed each day by helping sick people get better. The pharmacist expressed disbelief at this notion: he was getting paid for his work, how could it be considered Chesed. The Chofetz Chaim explained that the fact that he received money in no way detracted from the opportunity to do Chesed—he need only have in mind that he was dispensing the medications for the purpose of healing someone else in order to do a Chesed for that person, and his day would be filled with acts of Chesed.

Perhaps this understanding of the definition of Chesed can help us explain the two Medrashim above.

Yes, Avraham not only had a Halachic responsibility to bury Sarah, but in doing so he was only acting as any loving husband would. But Avraham was the Amud Hachesed, he understood that his mindset at that moment could turn this action into a Chesed. Even in his darkest moment, after he had lost his wife, he was able to focus on the need to do a Chesed for someone else, a Chesed Shel Emes in fact, and block out any other emotional or sentimental thoughts in order to make this a complete Chesed. Avraham was no different than a father taking his son to the doctor—he was doing exactly what was expected of him in the moment. But he focused on the fact that this was a Chesed, and that in so doing he was emulating the Midas HaChessed of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It was this Chesed specifically—at a time when his mind could have rightfully been otherwise occupied—that caused Avraham to receive the Levush of Hashem, and be Zoche to Arichas Yamim.

Ephron, on the other hand, was presented with a similar opportunity, but he missed the boat. When Avraham originally asked to purchase Mearas Hamachpela, Ephron was willing to give it to him for free, as the Passuk says. Avraham, however, would not hear of it, he insisted on paying Ephron. At this point there is a change in Ephron’s attitude: he realizes that there is money to be made and he falls into the trap of Nivhal Lahon, running after riches.

The word LaHon is translated as riches, but literally means “a sum.” Ephron saw that he could sell the Mearah for a large amount of money and he was distracted by the numbers. Had he thought of the transaction as a Chesed—providing Avraham with the spot he wanted to bury his wife—he could have made the money and had the Zechus of the Chesed. Instead he focused only on lining his own pockets and missed out. For this reason he is derided by Chazal, and was subject to the second half of the Passuk: “Chesser Yivoenu.”

As we go through life, we are constantly presented with opportunities to do Chesed. When we think of Chesed, our minds tend to be drawn to the big things—the organizational opportunities, the communal needs—but sometimes we miss the everyday chances at Chesed. In our roles as spouses, parents, children, coworkers and friends, we are constantly called upon to help others—if we allow our hearts to lead the way, if we focus on the fact that we are being Maitiv for someone else, we can turn all these everyday acts into Chesed. We can be Mekayem the Mitzvah of V’halachta B’drachav, emulating the Middas HaChessed of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and be Zoche to the brachos that Avraham received for his Chesed.