Milk of Chesed

This week we begin Sefer Bamidbar, which, as the Ramban tells us, is mostly about the events surrounding the forty years that Bnei Yisrael spent in the Midbar. In almost every year, except some leap years, we lein Parshas Bamidbar on the Shabbos immediately preceding Shavuos. We know that within Minhagei Yisroel there are no coincidences, and so it would seem to behoove us to understand the connection between this Parsha and the Yom Tov we celebrate this week. Hopefully along the way we can gain some insight into the Parsha as well as some Chizuk going into Z’man Mattan Toraseinu.

The Parsha begins with a Tzivuy for Moshe to count Bnei Yisroel: “Seu es Rosh Kol Adas Bnei Yisroel.” This, however, is not the first time that Moshe was instructed to do so. In fact, Moshe was commanded to do count Bnei Yisroel at three separate times: once after they left Mitzrayim, once following the Chet HaEgel when many perished in the Mageifah, and once after the Hakamas HaMishkan. It is this last census, the one following the Chanukas HaMishkan, that the Torah is relating at the beginning of Parshas Bamidbar.

Rashi explains that Hashem counted Bnei Yisroel multiple times because of his love for them: “Mitoch Chibasan Lifanav, Moneh Osam Kol Sh’ah.” If a person has precious stones, he will constantly take them out to count them, each time taking care to make sure that even the smallest jewel is accounted for. So to, Hashem asked Moshe to count his most beloved possession, his Am Hanivchar, on more than one occasion. This Tzivuy, then, is nothing less than a direct expression of Hashem’s love for us.

It is interesting to note that although there are a number of places in which Moshe is asked to count Klal Yisroel, there is something unique about the census that took place Bamidbar Sinai. In this case, Moshe is told: “Seu Es Rosh Kol Adas Beni Yisroel…B’Mispar Shemos.” In this case each person was counted by name, not just through the donation of a Machatzis HaShekel, which was the general method of counting Bnei Yisroel. In fact, Chazal tell us that each member of Klal Yisroel brought his Sefer Yuchsin to those who were conducting the count, and presented themselves and their linage in order to be included. This, then, would seem to have been a more personal way of counting each member of the nation.

Why was it that at this point that the way we were counted was on such a “micro” level. At the other points the Torah makes no mention of this process, indicating that in fact the census was conducted in a much less personal fashion. What was different about this time?

Let us take a closer look at the way in which Bnei Yisrael was counted, which may shed some light on the reason this counting was a little different.

The Passuk says “B’Mispar Shemos” indicating that Moshe should count each person by name. Rabbeinu Bechayai asks: if Hashem was telling Moshe to count each indivudal by name, the correct word to use would be “Shemosam, their names” as opposed to “Shemos” which just means names. Later on in the Parsha, when Moshe is told to count the Bechorim, for example, the Torah says “V’Sa Es Shemosam.” Why in this case did the Torah use the generic term rather that the more accurate personal word?

Rabeinu Bechaya explains that the words Shemos refers not to the names of Bnei Yisrael, but rather to the names of the Malachim.

At the time of Matan Torah, Klal Yisreol was Zoche to see the Machanos of the Malachim, and the Degallim that they were split into. They were so inspired by this sight, that they asked Moshe Rabbeinu to divide them into similar camps and Degalim. In fact, part of the purpose of counting Bnei Yisrael at this time was to set up the Degalim and Machanos, as our Parsha continues with the arrangement of the Degalim.

Rabeinu Bechaya says that the numbers of Bnei Yisrael at Matan Torah were equal to the number of Malachim present at Matan Torah and the number of Yidden in the Degalim was equal to the number of Malachim in their Degalim. Therefore, when Bnei Yisrael was to be counted, they were associated with the Malachim that appeared to them during Kabalas HaTorah. The word “Shemos” alludes to the fact that Bnei Yisrael were being counted not only by their own names, but in some way by the names of the Malachim to whom they were connected. It was for this reason that the Torah altered the Lashon somewhat, to indicate that they were being counted by a name different from their own in some way.

R’ Schor, in Ohr Gedalyahu, explains that Shamayim the numbers of Malachim and Bnai Yisroel were equal because we are connected: the Malachim that Rabbeinu Bechayai speaks about are the Shoresh of Klal Yisroel in Shamayim and each member of Klal Yisroel is connected to a Malach in Shamayim. Thus, when Klal Yisroel was counted “B’Mispar Shemos” the Torah was referring to this inate connection between each Yid and one of the Malachei HaShares.

Perhaps with this message of Rebbeinu Bachayai, we can better understand why Bamidbar is almost invariably Leined before the Yom Tov of Shavuos.

Each year on Shavuos we accept the Torah anew, experiencing our own renewal of Matan Torah. As we approach this Yom Tov, we may feel unworthy of Kabalas HaTorah. Who are we to stand B’Sachtis HaHar and accept the Torah, a gift which the Malachei HaShares we jealous of?

Therefore we read the Parsha of Bamidbar.

When Moshe was instructed to count us “B’Mispar Shemos”, it was a reminder of the unbelievable level of Ruchniyas that we are on by virtue of the fact that we are members of the Am HaNivchar. Each one of us, on some level, is connected to one of the Malachei HaShares! We are not merely members of a nation, we are the Mamleches Kohanim V’Goy Kadosh. Each of us stood at Har Sinai and saw the Malachim that represent our Shoresh. We ourselves uttered “Na’aseh V’Nishma” which Chazal refer to as a phrase and attitude that Malachim utilize.

Thus, hearing and learning Parshas Bamidbar before the Yom Tov of Shavuos is most appropriate. We are reminded of our latent Kedusha, and our innate connection to all that is important and holy. With this in mind we can truly stand at our own Matan HaTorah and renew our Kabalas HaTorah.

I was thinking, however, that it would seem appropriate for there to be some mention of this idea or connection to this concept on Shavuos itself. After all, if understanding our own stature is such an important part of Kabalas HaTorah, should it not be central to the Yom Tov itself?

I think, though, that there is a connection through one of the few Minhagim that we do observe on Shavuos.

The Rama brings the Minhag, which he says is practically universal, to eat Milchig food on Shavuos. He explains that the reason for this Minhag as follows: On Pesach we eat two foods: one Zecher L’Korbon Pesach and one Zecher L’Korban Chagigah, which were both brought on Pesach. On Shavuos, it would therefore be appropriate to eat two loaves of bread, L’Zecher the Shetei HaLechem that were brought on Shavuos. Therefore, we should eat two dishes, one Milchig and one Fleishig, and since one cannot eat the same bread with Michigs and Fleishigs and we must use two loaves, which will be the Zecher to the Shtei Halechem.

This explanation of the Minhag is quite confusing, almost a little complicated: if the idea was to commemorate the Shtei Halechem, why not just have a Minhag to eat to eat two loaves of bread? Why do we force the issue, so to speak, by having a Milchig dish and then a Fleishig dish, thereby necessitating the two loaves? Among the various Minhagim we have throughout the year with regard to eating, a Minhag to eat two loaves of bread on Shavuos would hardly be out of place; why do we need to specifically eat the two different types of food?

There are other reasons for eating Milchigs on Shavuos that are brought by various sources. The Bnei Yisascha, for example, explains that meat, which is dark in color, represents Midas HaDin. We find a similar idea on days such as Hoshana Rabbah and Erev Yom Kippur when the Minhag is to eat items in which meat is covered, as an expression of our desire to cover up the Midas Hadin, so to speak. On the other hand, milk, which is white, represents Midas HaChesed. In fact, the Bnei Yisashar adds, the word Chalav is the Roshei Teivos of the Passuk “L’Hagid Baboker Chasdeshca.”

Thus eating Milchigs on Shavuos is a representation of the Midas HaChesed that is embodied by Matan Torah and the inherent nature of Chesed which accompanies this Yom Tov.

Obviously this idea, that meat is Din and milk is Chesed, is one that is not fully within our scope of comprehension. I think, however, that perhaps we can use these words of the Bnei Yisaschar to understand the Minhag as brought by the Rama.

Let us first try to understand the Chesed that is represented by Matan Torah.

The Gemarah in Bava Basra tells us that Iyov saught to be Melemed Zechus on the entire world. He said to Hahsem: “You have created animals that are Kosher and some that are not Kosher. A cow has split hooves, and is therefore Kosher, and a donkey does not have split hooves and is therefore not Kosher. Similarly, you have created Tzadikim and Reshaim. It is therefore unfair to hold a Rasha accountable for his actions, as this is his nature.” In other words, Iyov was asking Hashem how one can be responsible for his actions if he was created in a certain way. Just as we cannot change a non-kosher animal to a Kosher one, no matter how we may disguise his non-split hooves, we cannot change the inborn character of a person.

The Sefer Ohel Moshe brings from the Alter of Kelm that Iyov really had a good question, his Limud Zechus was one that carried some merit, because if not the Gemarah wouldn’t discuss it. Iyov’s friends, however, had an answer that negated his claim: “Barasi Yetzer Harah, Barasi Lo Torah Tavlin.”

We assume that the concept of “Barasi Lo Torah Tavlin” operates on a micro level—if one struggles with his Yetzer Harah at a particular moment, or in a particular area of his life, he can combat this inclination with the study of Torah. This is certainly a valid strategy, as the Gemarah in Kedushin says: “Im Pagah Becha Menuval Zeh, Mashchuhu L’bais Medrash: If this degenerate starts up with you, drag him to the Bais Medrash.”

But, says the Alter, this concept proves true on a macro- level as well. Through Limud HaTorah a person’s entire essence can change. Regardless of the nature and characteristics with which a person was born, through the proper dedication to the Torah itself, he can completely change himself. A Rasha cannot claim to be innocent and not responsible for his action based on the way he was born, as Iyov suggested, because Limud HaTorah can help him alter this nature , it can in fact turn him into a Tzaddik. That which is impossible when it comes to an animal—a transformation beyond the state into which it was born—is in fact a reality when it comes to human nature because we have the power of Limud HaTorah.

Perhaps this is the Chesed to which the Bnei Yissaschar refers. When we were given the Torah we received more than a book of arcane laws and customs—we received the ability to change our very essence. Through the Torah we can uplift ourselves and go beyond the state that we were created with, reaching heights we may have imagined were beyond our reach.

This may also help explain the connection between eating Milchigs and the Shtei Halechem.

The Shtei Halechem were brought from wheat, which according to many sources was the “fruit” that Adam ate from in Gan Eden. The source of our battle with the Yetzer Harah, that first Chet, came about through wheat, and this is recalled with the Shtei Halechem. Were we to just eat two loaves of bread L’Zecher the Shtei Halechem we may be reminded of this Chet and the everlasting struggle with Aveira that has persisted since that day.

Therefore we accompany this Zecher with a Milchig dish—one that recalls the Chesed that Hashem did by giving us the Torah. Through Limud HaTorah, we can move beyond Chet. We are not bound to our Yetzer Harah, and indeed we can defeat even our most ingrained Aveiros, because we have the opportunity to connect to Hashem through Limud HaTorah.

On that morning more than three-thousand years ago, we stood at Har Sinai and saw the Malachei Hashares,--our Shoresh in the Shamayim. Each one of us realized that we are connected to one of those Malachim, a connection that represents the potential we all have to reach great heights in Kedusha. R’ Shmuel Rozovsky writes that this was not a one time occurrence—one can be Zoche to the same experience through the power of Limud Hatorah. As we accept the Torah once again on this Yom Tov of Shavuos let us be mindful of the innate capacity for Kedusha that exists within us all. We can access this Kedusha through Limud Hatorah and use it to change ourselves.

We may think that certain levels and accomplishments are beyond our abilities because of the skills and nature we were born with, that we cannot accomplish great things because we were not born great people. This year, as we enjoy our cheesecake and other Milchig delights on this Shavuos we must recall the Chsesed that the Torah represents, and the opportunities for growth that it provides.